You're saying I have to forgive? WTF.

Forgiveness. Just the word alone brings up yucky feelings. 

They say that you can't truly move forward abundantly if you are holding onto old hurts and wounds from the past. 

But, how do you know if you're holding onto them?

How do you know if they are wreaking havoc on your present life?

Are THEY the reason why you're life is so shitty today?

Hmmmmmm. Something to ponder.

In doing an assignment for a mastermind in which I am currently involved, I had to contemplate this myself. 

Here is what I came up with. Do you resonate?

  1. There have been people in my life who have done mean things to me. 
  2. Some are so bad that I could still cry over it today. 
  3. I would love to go back in time and present my current, empowered self to them.
  4. I want to punch them, kick them and tell them to go to eff themselves. 
  5. There are things I've done, that I have trouble even thinking about.
  6. I feel ashamed and guilty when I think about them.
  7. I wish I could go back in time and change them, but I can't.
  8. Sometimes when I feel like a failure, I accidently take it out on those I love the most.
  9. This makes me feel ashamed and guilty.
  10. I wish I could change it, but I don't know how. 
  11. I don't want to do this anymore. 
  12. I don't want to forgive, but  I want to be free.
  13. After much resistance, I decide that the past is over and done. 
  14. I decide that although I don't agree with what happened, I can accept that it did.
  15. It happened, and there's nothing I can do to change that.
  16. I research what to do next.
  17. I cry when I read this quote: "Remind yourself that they are not separate from you. they only appear that way. Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving." -Justin Hayden
  18. I meditate on what is happening inside.
  19. I realize that we are ALL capable of doing horrible things as human beings. 
  20. I realize that to hold onto resentment is to inflict judgment upon another.
  21. I realize that to judge another also means to judge thyself.
  22. I have an A-HA. So, therefore to forgive another also means to forgive thyself. 
  23. I think I'm finally beginning to understand.
  24. I meditate some more. 
  25. I accept that forgiveness is a daily practice of non-judgment not only of others, but also of thyself.

To sum up this whole exercise/discovery process, I will say this. 

I do not think that forgiveness is an easy thing. I think that each day, we have to examine ourselves and what we stand for. 

Do we want to hold onto the past and allow it to trample all over what we are trying to build today? 

Of course not.

Do we want others to forgive us when we make stupid mistakes that we regret?

Of course.

Can we accept the fact that the past is over and done with and there's nothing we can do about it?

So why not start fresh today, each moment actually and create with the wisdom and experiences that we have gathered up along the way?

You've learned something from what happened, right? In the least, you have learned how you will never stand to be treated again or how you never want to treat another again. 

Maybe we can begin to understand that the Universe gives us exactly what we need in order to heal and move forward in life. You had to go through what you went through in order to get where you are today. 

You may not ever understand WHY, and that's okay.

However, can you realize that after every fall you have continued on and possibly even gotten up stronger?

Maybe this realization will help us both to consciously choose non-judgment and practice forgiveness in this moment........... and possibly even the next moment as well. .